Spring!

Picture dump. Plus Jack dances.

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Could it be spring? Spring ahead, anyway.

The weather is so beautiful. Jack spent almost the entire day outside. He played with his dad in the yard while I was at work. And when I came home, we spent the afternoon at the park. He is finally big enough to climb all over the playground equipment. He's still a little unsteady when it comes to edges and ledges. Heights, however do not deter Jack. The sliding board was a little confusing at first. He couldn't quite wrap his head around the whole sliding thing. But once he did, he was hooked.

Now that Jack has walking down to a T, he's been learning new ways to communicate. He doesn't talk yet. He has been using sign language, pointing, making sounds to indicate what he wants (just not real words yet) and of course, dancing. He's been a dancing fool since he learned to stand on his own. My little Bean could dance before he could walk.

Also, Jack will be taking his first international trip in May. We booked tickets to Ireland. So far we are staying in Dublin for three days. Then we are going to rent a car and drive through the countryside. We've never been to The Emerald Isle, so if anyone has any suggestions beyond the normal stuff (i.e. Cliffs of Moher, Blarney Stone, etc. - Don't worry, we'll go there, too.) then please let us know!

Snow? Pssshhh.

Those of us who live in Delaware claim we know snow. Every year we find ourselves wishing for a white Christmas, but deep down we all know that we will get a wet Christmas. We think we know how to drive in the snow...until is snows and we freak on the road. We long for snow days off from work and school. And we always tell people that we got snow last year. But alas, we are living in a dream world. Observe these two pictures of my son. One is in New Hampshire mid January. The other a week later in Delaware. Can you guess which is which?

Breeder.

I've always had an instinct to reproduce. For many years before I had Jack, I had a strong urge to make babies. I remember this urge was at it's peak in the week leading up to my positive pregnancy test. I was pregnant and had no idea. I was threatening to break up with my poor boyfriend because I wanted children asap and he wanted them never. A week later I discovered that I was ten weeks pregnant (how did I miss THAT?) and all turned out for the best.

While I was carrying Jack I felt happier and more comfortable than I had ever been in my entire life. I was finally in my element. I felt like myself when I was pregnant. Which is odd, because up until then I had never really been in that situation. How could a short nine months truly be me?

Then Jack was born and all was perfect. I missed my pregnancy state. But I had reached true motherhood. That's what pregnancy is all about, right? So... mission accomplished. Baby born. Tammy is a mom. End of story, right? I thought I had been cured of my crazy baby obsession.

Apparently, not so. Jack isn't even one year old yet and I'm already craving baby number two. I find myself daydreaming about it every few hours. That's silly, right? So yeah, I might have another. Then what? In ten months I might want yet another. When can this end? How many babies until my sick craving is satisfied? I think I would be just as happy with an adopted baby. But again, I could adopt babies until I turn blue. Will I want to do this when I'm fifty? Sixty? When will I decide that I need no more. The instinct to reproduce gets turned off at some point right? Adoption makes menopause obsolete in the baby raising world.

And why am I so concerned? I'm twenty five and I've only had one. I have plenty of time for more. I love being a mommy. And I REALLY love being pregnant. I think I might love pregnant more than I love trapeze. And if you know me, you know trapeze is my true love. (The perfect love, actually...it can never break my heart. Only my bones.)

I believe in large families. Not for everyone. But definitely for me. What is with me? I'm soooooo broody!! Someone pleeeeeeze talk me into sanity!

New Year's Realization

This New Year has been great for helping me to realize that my job as a stay at home mom is actually important. I'm always aware of my instincts telling me that this is the best thing for our family. But sometimes I get so clouded in self doubt and frustration, that it's difficult for me to see.

On New Years Eve we had some of our parent friends over, so of course the discussion of the evening revolved around our children (my apologies to my other friends attending, I know for a fact listening to a bunch of people talk about their kids can be super boring and I hope we didn't turn you off to the idea of procreating)Anyway...where was I? Ah yes. Talk of our children. My friend Liz has a newborn. She was talking about how being a parent is a bit different than she had anticipated. The sheer amount of responsibility for this little person is overwhelming. And the sleep deprivation, she said, makes her feel like she's a crazy person. It was comforting to hear that. Not because I'm glad that Liz is feeling tired and mental. But because I know that I'm not the only person that gets that way.

Naturally, I'm totally aware that most, if not all mothers and fathers have their moments. And by moments I mean on the verge of a nervous breakdown, not quite sure if we made the right choice, wondering what we are doing here and wondering how we can just get some freaking sleep. But to hear Liz state it so plainly made me feel like I'm not fighting a battle alone. Thank you Liz and Olivia.

The second half of my realization came the following day. I spent the afternoon and evening with my friend Virginia. She has such a positive outlook on life. I admire her ability to smile through anything and make cooking and craftiness just look so darn easy. I've known Virginia less than a year, but I already feel like I've learned from her. My skills in the kitchen improved ten fold because of something I heard her say a few months ago. She was listening to someone tell her about their adventures in apple pie baking. They went back to the store several times trying to find the right kind of apples to bake with. Virginia said, "I'm pretty sure they are thinking about it too much."

Right then and there, I allowed my instincts and taste buds to take over in the kitchen and now it feels so easy!

Back to parenthood. Virginia is getting married next week, so we were talking a lot about relationships and homemaking. She mentioned a movie that she watched where the mother falls sick with terminal cancer, and the adult daughter comes home to help take care of her and the house and her father. The daughter is overwhelmed with how much work it all is and asks her mother how she could stand it over the years. How she could do all that she does and no one notices. The mother told her that she does it because she loves it. She loves her family and taking care of the house. She doesn't need to be thanked for doing her job. Virginia admired how this woman felt. I must admit, that I do, too.

I'm no breadwinner, that's for sure. But these past two days made me remember that earning money is not nearly as important to me as taking care of my family. Screw resolutions. That's my New Year's Realization.

Tiny steps and no more ghosts.

Wow. I haven't posted in a long time. These days little Jack has no desire to allow his mom to check her email, let alone write a blog. He gets a little jealous of the computer, I think. At the moment, he's passed out for a particularly long afternoon nap.

The little bugger can walk now! He took his first little steps right around Thanksgiving. And he's practicing up a storm now. He's very proud of this new ability. He does, however find crawling to be the fastest mode of transportation. Especially when it comes to very important tasks, such as chasing the cat and pulling her tail. Once he catches her, he uses his walking skills to step on her face. She just loves that. Luckily, Holly is very tolerant of Jack's antics.

We had a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. He's tall and skinny for his age. Not underweight, though. Just shaped like his parents. We had to take him to the dentist, too. His front teeth are growing in with part of the enamel missing. I feel guilty for passing him my weak tooth gene. He's only had these teeth for a few months, and they were defective from day one. He really took the bad teeth gene to a whole new level. I at least waited a few years before mine started falling apart. Hopefully, he will have inherited his father's 20/20 vision. Mommy is blind as a bat. My eye doctor actually made fun of me for it. My EYE DOCTOR! Sheesh.

Jack is a bit better with eating and sleeping now. Currently he will eat absolutely anything as long as it is smothered in tomato sauce or ketchup. Definitely his father's child.

As for the sleeping...it's a long story. To sum it up, we happened to have a psychic in the house and she mentioned that our ghosts were waking the baby up. She asked the ghosts to leave the house, and oddly, we haven't had a problem since them. Despite my skepticism, I'm very relieved to get a good night sleep almost every night. Baby books ought to mention the paranormal in the sleeping problem chapters.